While vacationing this summer at Badlands National Park in South Dakota, my husband wanted to hike a short but steep ascent up one of the vertical walls of stone that comprise the Badlands.
Standing at the bottom of the wall, looking up, I was reluctant to proceed. The trail looked too daunting for me, and my reluctance soon turned to fear after seeing warning signs at the trailhead that prairie rattlesnakes hide in the shaded crevices of the Badland rocks.
My husband asked me to trust that he wouldn’t let anything happen to me. So, up the trail we went. It proved to be more challenging than I had feared. After a few slips, bloody scrapes, an inability to maneuver the steep steps of rocks before me, and the image of rattlesnakes lurking in shaded areas, I said, “I am really scared.”
Without delay, my husband agreed we should go back.
I trust my husband to listen to my feelings and try his best to understand them. I trust that he won’t belittle me, tease me, or coerce me into doing something with which I am uncomfortable. Trusting our spouse to be there for us, and to always have the good of the other and the good of the relationship at the forefront of his or her thoughts and actions, is a key component of a successful marriage.
By trust, I am not speaking about issues of betrayal or infidelity, but rather the everyday, ordinary interactions between spouses. For example, trusting that our spouse will do what they say they will do and forgiving their shortcomings when they don’t follow through. It’s trusting that our spouse is focused on our strengths and overlooks our weaknesses; that he or she is not trying to control or mold us into someone we are not, but has our best interests at heart.
It's trusting that when we open ourselves up to one another and share the best and the worst of ourselves, the other will not give up on us but love the whole of us, just as we are. When we can trust in the goodness of our spouse’s love for us, it can free us to share our whole selves with him or her, especially those vulnerable feelings that we may not even want to admit to ourselves.
The relationship between St. Joseph and our Blessed Mother Mary is a perfect model of the trust God intends between couples through the Sacrament of Marriage. Imagine the fear Mary must have felt at the Nativity, during the flight into Egypt, or when faced with Simeon’s prophecy. Joseph was more than just her protector; he was a visible sign to her of God’s love. God couldn’t come down and wrap His arms around Mary at those moments of anxiety, but Joseph could. Mary trusted Joseph to partner with her in the mystery of the life that awaited them. She trusted him to be that someone with whom she could share her whole self — her pains, joys, worries, and delights. This is the same thing that God wants for all married couples.
When I told my husband I was afraid on that hike, I trusted that he would honor those feelings. My heart knew he wasn’t trying to force his wishes on me; he wanted to open me up to a new kind of experience. And he did.
Climbing down from the rocks, we discovered we had unknowingly veered off the trail. Reorienting ourselves, we found the main trail. It proved to be much easier for me to manage, and we continued up the wall. Awaiting us at the top was a magnificent 360-degree view of the prairie and the vast and unique topographic features of the Badlands. It was one of the best hikes I can remember. What a loss it would have been if I had not trusted my husband’s judgment!
By Mary-Jo McLaughlin